Mom's Brave Time

The choice to stay at home has been harder on Mom (and in some ways, everyone) than expected. What a difference, in a world where so many pine away in nursing homes and hospitals. I don't begrudge or criticize those who do so, but Mom has chosen instead to be at home in this time, and it has been a long journey. People have been so willing to pitch in and give time, provender, money, or prayers to support us in this season. God has shown us how gentle his hands are, and how much he has to provide. But, what a sweet, hard time.

Mom died this afternoon at 4 or so, slipping gently across. Whatever the case may be, her body isn't broken any more. Her mind is whole, and she has been shot through with light. What a joy to know the resolution and finality of this journey.

Think back and remember what you know of her, if you had the joy of knowing her. We will be having a memorial service at the end of this week, and will post the details here soon. There will also be an obituary run in the Knoxville, Kingsport, and Johnson City newspapers. We look forward to sharing memories with you then, and laughing and crying some.

Know that the Father has blessed us. He has poured out love on us. He has given us what we need. He has given us more. He is more than good or excellent, and He knows us so.

Thank you, Father, for my Earthly Mother. What a gift she has been. I knew your love first because of her love. I knew your gentle hand because of her gentle hand. Take her to your table and let her rest and be filled.

She used to include the following on all of her letters to us, claiming the lines for her own. We'll never be able to read that children's book without thinking of her:

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always.
As long as I'm living, my baby you'll be."

What a wonder that others have felt her take them up in her heart as her own...what a wonder.

A plateau...for now.

Mom has been stable over the last few days. She lost some blood on Saturday, and there was some concern for continued bleeding. It has stopped, however, and she is maintaining. It is harder and harder for her to breathe well and swallow, and it is difficult to catch more than a few words of what she is trying to say, but she is communicating some still with us. Coherent moments are few and far between, and she has been fairly agitated because of being in the bed so much. A short reprieve on Friday consisted of getting her out of the bed and into the living room to look at the yard and the leaves that have been changing and falling in the yard. She was much relieved to see outside and enjoyed the sunlight.

Thank you all so much again for prayers and meals, and all of the other support that goes unmentioned. It has been a hard time this past week or two, and there have been more tears than usual.

Sally forth,

-n

Over the last week...

On Friday, the 17th, mom was lucid enough to try and get out of the bed. She climbed up, and in a flash had fallen out of the bed, hitting her head, shoulder, and hip. Michele had stepped out of the room long enough to go to the mailbox, and came back in to quite a fright...an empty bed. An ambulance was called, and the scans at the hospital showed some bleeding to the brain. This could improve or not over the next while, but the signs for trouble there are the same as the conditions we are already seeing.

This morning, the hospice nurse told us that we are near the end, and that the breathing patterns (slowed, apnea) combined with the swallowing signs (aspiration) and heart rate (increased) show that Mom doesn't have much longer with us. We have been mourning for some time now, but this is what the Father has been preparing her (and us) for. Mom still recognizes us, and will react when we come in the room, but is losing weight and coherence daily. Your notes and letters have been such an encouragement, as has the food and company.

We have returned time and time again to Psalm 103, a favorite of Mom's. She will still begin to speak along with scripture reading, which is a great encouragement. Those words from the Father are etched too deeply to be erased by such as delirium or disease.

The next few days will be the climax of a great work. God has redeemed our Mother, and is bringing her life to a close. The final notes are sweet, and we are straining to hear each one of them. What a wonderful life to have watched. What a wonderful song to have listened to. There have been bitter and scary sections, terrible to behold, but there has been resolution and peace in more measure than (she would say) she deserved. We are full of thanks, crying and singing.

Pray with us for Michele, as she is at home with Mom, and for the rest of us as we rotate in and out in the night watches.

We love you, as does Mom.

But mostly, the Father loves you.

-n

The Home Stretch

I apologize for not posting sooner. A great deal has happened since our last post. Directly after our last post, I came down with pneumonia, and was then laid off from my job.

In the last week and a half, Mom has taken a serious turn for the worse. It has been like the flip of a switch, as her liver has begun the final stages of failure. On Wednesday, a week and a half ago, she suddenly began dry heaving and crying out. It has been a struggle since then. We are now employing hospice care, and she is requiring around the clock care from us. There are stages where she is lucid, but largely, her time is spent resting. We have structured some time for us to exchange care, but Michele is taking the brunt of the time.

They have given us a time frame for the home stretch for Mom. The doctors and hospice nurses are telling us two months is the maximum time to expect her to live. We feel that this is an overgenerous estimate, and that it will be much sooner than that.

Emily is setting up a rotation through a website for the bringing of food, because the mean time doesn't allow her visitors. I will put a link up later today. Mom still loves getting notes and messages, and we shoot for her most lucid times to share them.

Feel free to email me with anything, or questions. My email is householdbirds@gmail.com.

We love you all. Thanks again for following, irregular though it may be. The posts will be closer together, as time is quickly passing.

The last few days...

There has been some swelling in her extremeties, both hands and feet. Mom was in the hospital for 3 days over the last weekend, having some testing and taking a course of diuretics to reduce the pressure in her limbs. We are praying that the swelling continues to go down, though her body isn't responding quickly. Pray with us as the next few days unfold, and we hope to see improvement! She is discouraged, but puts on a good face, being willing to face whatever comes along. How like her to plod ahead.

We love you all,

N

From Rebecca - Again!

Just a note to all the wonderful friends of Momma's .... if you would like to send her a note, she enjoys reading her mail and looks forward to the mailman every day! Please don't necessarily expect a formal reply or a returned call; but a reply in thought and prayers from Momma will surely be sent.
She is taking each day as it comes and water retention on the extremities is an issue at this point in time. Not only is she dealing with her health, but we are attempting to rearrange her home to better accommodate her, Michele and the boy's future needs.
Bruce was able to spend a night at home with her and somewhat coordinate plans for arrangements of the accommodations to follow. They both enjoyed the time together.
I have to remember that if it was simple, we sure wouldn't know what it was to climb a mountain. Welcome to the mountain, we love it here...Grateful to know what a mountain is and I would climb it any time for her!:)
Thanks to all!

From Rebecca...

Momma says "She met with the oncologist day before yesterday and the went over the latest CAT scan. It showed the cancer is slowly moving but with a density in her left upper lung which is more defined."
We apologize if calls are not answered or returned, Momma is most consumed with maintaining and just taking each day as its own. We surely thank you all and we do mean ALL of our friends and family for your prayers and efforts in lifting Momma up to God. Who could we better deliver her to!!!
Thank you so much,
Rebecca Elaine Jordan

Looking for some stability.

Mom has been handling some pain as of late, and trying to sleep and rest more and more. We spent the week of her birthday in Sanibel with Michele and the boys, and she got to play with Laurel, go to the beach, eat banana pudding, and rest. Unfortunately, we missed the flight to Florida and had to drive. We only lost a little while, and arrived safely.

Enterprise is a great company to rent from.

Don't ever stay at the Ramada Inn in Warner-Robbins, Ga.

The report from the Radiologist states that the current masses are slow growing. There are some new spots, but they are faint, and the old ones have barely changed. There is some concern that there is spreading, because of the pain that she is feeling--but, for now, we wait and are thankful for each day. Here are some pictures from the beach:

And on to some R&R...

These past few days have been a challenge. Mom is feeling badly, with a bladder infection. Everyone else is well, though unrested, and we are anticipating some good solid rest in the next couple of weeks. Pray for rest and for the infection to go down, and that she will experience less pain.

Something New. Laurel Linnea Sharp.

So, we got to hold our daughter today, and it was so good to be able to know what she looks like, what size she is, and what she sounds like. Mom was at the hospital all day, and she wouldn't leave (even for a doctor's appointment that she was supposed to be at). When she was going home last evening, she said "Well, we made it."

We did indeed.

Mom has been hurting more and more, and has been nearly unable to use her arm. She has started taking pain medication, which is a big deal for her. Mom has had a high tolerance for pain, and usually refuses medication that will affect her coherence. She was eager to have some relief.

We are now looking to July, and to some peace and quiet. I would imagine that Mom will be glued to Laurel like crazy.

-n

(by the way, the baby looks alot like pictures of Rebecca when she was a newborn)

Nothing New

I thought I'd post a quick note to let you know that nothing new has transpired. Mom is still resting uneasily at home, and has begun some small Physical Therapy to manage the pain and discomfort that characterizes her mobility. She looks forward to the beach and some well earned down time. Drop her a line if you'd like, and in the mean time, we're praying for a baby to arrive...the due date was Saturday the 18th.

Swelling and the latest.

Mom was taken to the hospital last Friday due to the concern that she was experiencing congenital heart failure. She has been swelling in her extremities. After some time at UT and an x-ray, they concluded that the swelling is around her liver, and that the heart is o.k. There wasn't enough fluid on the liver for them to be able to draw it off, so they gave some medication and some physical things to do at home to keep the swelling down.

This isn't the best news, but it sure beats admittance into the hospital. It tells us that the liver is struggling, and shows another of the signs of the last stages of Hepatitis C. This is a challenge, as she is more and more tired and finds it harder to get around.

In an appointment with the Radiologist this morning, he is having her do some physical therapy, and is confident and encouraging even about the swelling, feeling that it can be "re-routed."

It's the little things,

-n

- Rebecca and Bruce

Momma has the most tremendous attitude and we children seem to be the ones needing spiritual guidance the most. Imagine that! If we could fight the fight for her, we would surely conquer! Nathanael's upcoming bundle of joy is an inspiration and motivation. The sweet baby that will soon meet us is keeping Momma going. She is nesting along with Nate and Emily and she was so excited to tell of the accouterments she has acquired for when the baby is at our homestead.
Thank you all for your elevation of Momma in prayer and consideration.
-Rebecca Elaine

Praying Currently...

Mom's swelling has increased throughout her body, and we are praying currently that it is not congestive heart failure. We are currently going in to get some things checked out, and are praying for stability. The past week and a half has been quiet, but she has been hurting some, and we hoped that it would pass. The gallbladder was thought to have been the culprit, but is (again, due to Liver fragility) inoperable. So, here in the next few days and hours, be praying for the above.

-n

From Rebecca and Bruce

Yesterday was the last treatment for Momma and she is feeling the effects of the radiation, I think, considerably. Michele came through the Gallbladder surgery with flying colors and is on the mend. Thank you all so much for your prayers and great consideration!
Rebecca Elaine Jordan

Radiation...finish line

Well, it's been a busy week and a half or so. We got together to celebrate Mother's Day...twice. Kind of a neat way to go, but Rebecca and Bruce were under the weather during the weekend of Mother's Day, so part of us got together and did lunch anyhow. Then, they were free this past weekend (and weren't throwing up) so we all got together to celebrate (for real).

Mom hit the end of radiation this past week, but they wanted to get one more day out of her, so the Doctor asked her to come back on Monday (yesterday) to finish the run. Her throat is pretty sore, and the arthritis was acting up as well at the end of last week, but it's over and done with. The goal of the radiation has been to arrest the growth and spread of the cancer, unlike some treatments whose goal is to cure or irradicate the bad cells. Goal achieved, we believe, and are hoping that when the dust settles and the soreness goes away that the nerve pressure and dull pain will have abated.

The next goal is to enjoy the next few weeks and pray for mobility into the summer months for Momma. She has been fairly immobile, and even asked for a wheelchair on the last few days of treatments. For those who know her, this is kind of a big deal. We're hoping to make it to the beach in July, for her to enjoy the sand in the toes and the wind in the hair, and the seafood in the mouth. We are praying for her overall ease and comfort, so that this will be possible. Shooting for July sometime, we think.

Oh, and in other news, the baby dropped. We're in the home-stretch, and all of the women have been giggling over the little one coming. Everyone's nesting...even me. Due date is in mid-June, and Mom has really wanted to hold the grandchild, so we're excited about that reality. Bring on the contractions!

Pray for Michele still, as she is sore from the Gallbladder removal. No complications, per se, but she is just returning to work. John's situation is still up in the air as she is looking to change his schooling, and Trainor will become more independent as Mom's situation changes.

If you write letters (or notes), I'm sure Mom would enjoy them. There's nothing quite like a hand-written piece of finery. If you want her address, I can send it. I would post it on here, but we'd start getting lot's of scam mail. Sorry.


-N

Colonoscopy and Endoscopy...all jokes aside.

         Though much could be said about having these procedures, I will say that they came back clear. Michele said that the doctor was all smiles about the results, and that all they found were a few polyps. Mom has been resting and storing up some energy for this weekend, as we prepare for Mother's Day (woot!). Michele will be undergoing a surgery on Tuesday to remove her Gall Bladder (gallbladder?), which has been a squeaky wheel for sometime.

         She went in to get it scanned, and they said "Oh.....well it has to GO. It's full of blood."

         We look forward to not having medical appointments scheduled, but it doesn't look like it will be anytime soon. On another positive note, the radiation seems to be going along well for Mom, and without any major side effects. We're praying for rest and recovery for everyone and for the boys to feel some stability during all of this.

         Happy Mother's Day.

-N

Easter, and Radiation begins.

        Easter was beautiful, and we grilled hot dogs and burgers at Mom's. The party was incomplete without Bruce, who was home with a hurt back, but we had a grand time and enjoyed a lazy Sunday, and walked the yard and flower beds. The burgers and dogs were perfect, as was the weather, and we sat on the deck, simply being with one another. Emily and I were thinking much of a short movie we watched in service for Easter. A dear friend Bill shared it with me last year, and my heart breathes deeply every time I watch it. The link is below. It's 20 minutes that you won't regret, but have a hankerchief handy.

http://www.thedoorpost.com/hope/film/?film=4dd298f102c77b625cf37a9e7744ac68

        On a further note, radiation began today with one of our favorite doctors. The treatments will continue weekly, Monday through Friday, for five weeks. To counter the previous post that states that the cancer isn't anywhere else, he tells us that there is an "uptake" from the test in the esophagus and intestines. This awakens the possibility that there is, at most, cancer in those places (at the least, abnormalities). We'll keep you posted on what develops, and we will know something more as of Friday.

        
       

The Plant Sale and Open Gardens, a Kind Word and Hard Words.

As you know, Momma isn't herself unless she's expending her resources on others or gardening. She opted for more of the latter this past weekend, taking in the Talahi Plant Sale at Lakeshore Gardens. It has become somewhat of a tradition for her and me to go and run elbow to elbow with a host of others in hopes of scoring some sweet greens for the yard. Members of the Knoxville Garden Club dig from their own yards for the event, and it's always promising.

This year I arrived before her, which is new, and snagged a cart for us as the gate opened while she was still donning her galoshes. We traipsed off to look at the goods and throw some punches, and came away with some pretty nice plants all in all. Emily is particularly excited about the Hydrangeas and Peonies. If you get a chance, you should go next year.

But as we were leaving, I sat in the car and she told me about her doctor speaking with her last week. That breast cancer is normally a stage 1 type thing, but since this is metastatic that it is automatically stage 4. In between those words, we read "terminal." Rebecca (Elaine) was with her at that particular appointment, and she said that they were both touched. The doctor, sweet man, said that he would rather jump off of a building than to tell her that news, and I love him for it.

As a side note, no one sees patients who have had four cancers and are still mobile. This is a miracle in and of itself. 1 in 10 breast cancers are what are called "triple negative," which is what we are seeing here. (for more reading, see http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/diagnosis/trip_neg/)

It's important that we suffer well, which means letting others carry us. It's just hard when we don't know how long this all will play out. Momma is still carrying on like a champ, but she is getting tired more easily. This physician told her to rest and prioritize her diet and sleep. Telling her to stop all activities is like asking the sun not to shine, but she is trying to take care of herself as well as keeping her boots on.

John will be making some adjustments school wise in the next bit, and Michele needs much encouragement and prayer as she lives alongside Momma in this season. We are praying about doing this well as a family and being supportive, but Michele carries a great deal of the weight of it with her daily. We are all adjusting to the news.

As we got in the car to leave, I shut her door and looked at her through the open window, this woman who has given blood and tears to fight for us. She looked at me with that same knowing look that she has given us so much during our lives, the one that says "I know, I know, it'll be just fine." All I could do was look back and say "Well, I'll see you again this time next year."

It could very well be.
We love you all,

N

It IS NOT anywhere else!

Cancer is a vile thing. Even though treatments and prognosis have come a long way in the last couple of decades, there is a tenacity with which cancer holds on to our bodies. There is a lingering fear of return and an uncertainty that governs the rules of engagement.

Today, ladies and gentlemen, we have had a small victory. Much like Savannah during Sherman's sweeping campaign, we have been spared the burning. The nurse from the oncologist's office called to tell mom that the rest of her body is clear. The breast cancer has only metastasized into her lymph system on the left side of her neck and armpit.

This is a wonderful thing, because the radiation that we are preparing to endure will have more of a chance of slowing down the growth and spread of the cells.

When you think of mom, pray for her sweet neck and armpit. I'm sure she'll be glad that we used the word armpit over the internet in reference to her. If you drop by the house or see her out and about, give her a kiss. But not in the armpit. Maybe on the neck.

Update from April 1st

Mom has been trying to keep a positive outlook, and we have been
waiting to hear back from the team of doctors that are working together.
I wonder sometimes if they just get together and play Operation (personally,
I prefer Monopoly), but this past week, evidently, we got some work done.
The result is as follows:

          Surgery has been withdrawn completely as an option for her
because of the state of her liver. The primary focus is the liver at
this point, and we don't want to do anything to send it further toward
failure. That said, the team is hoping to try radiation in a local
form, starting in the following weeks. That can be tricky too, because
of its effects on other parts of the body, the delicate nature of the
skin, etc. We will see in the next few days what can be done, if
anything. The other alternative (which we were already settled with)
is to simply let it take its course.

Mom said the other day that she is hurting more in her arm and hands.
She feels that other things are failing (her words, not mine) and that
things are spreading. She has a pretty high pain tolerance on the
whole, so it's something to say that she is verbalizing that. What
initially seemed to be so urgent with our doctors has turned into some
referrals and conference calls (I give them a hard time, but they
really do treat her well), so it's frustrating to wonder whether it
really is urgent or will just become a waiting game. One says take
action now, now, now, and the others say it's not a huge hurry. In the
end, we don't know what to expect...weeks, months, years?

David Benner stated that the possibility of human love opens our heart
for the possibility of God's love. He talks about the fact that the
ways we experience love here on earth translate into how we are able
to receive God's love. It's been wonderful to learn about his
affection and tenderness, but I turn around and live it out so poorly,
and the cost is very high. Thanks for being along for the journey.